by Amy Aubuchon and Jason A. Lucas
February, 1998
Please put down your hand,
And try to understand
The things I cant stand.
Online RPing I just might drop – if certain things just do not stop.
Your profile says you’re 22… so how are you a rank 5 Garou?!
I’ll say this once and I’ll say it again, there’s no way in hell you’re a
2nd Gen.
You’d be too risky to the Masq or veil to stay alive, if you had stats over five.
One of the reasons I hate to fight,
Is ’cause one fucking round takes all goddamn night!!
I have to watch everything I say, cause OOC info doesn’t stay that way.
15 dice?! What is this I see? It’s a soak roll, buddy, stop bullshitting me!
Charmed Existence and Luck and Silver Immunity..OH MY!!
I’ll bet he didn’t have ’em when you made up that guy.
Appearance of 8?! Ha! My ASS!
Your face looks like someone dragged it through glass!
You have this gift and that one to lean onto…
If I wanted you to fuck me, I’d bend over for you.
You can tell me how many STs approved your char… but youre spewing,
Cause you’re not a real RPer in my eyes, unless you know what you’re doing.
And what’s with all these damn aboms?
And Salubri that know paths of Thaum?
Vamps; there’s nothing that Garou hate more.
They’re age-old enemies, yet you want to score.
Botch gnosis roll to become one, you only get one shot.
It seems like a tough roll, but there sure seem to be a lot.
Of all these aboms, running around on-line,
I’d like to talk to your ST, if they have the time.
Cross-bred kindred, hybrid fomor; can the "Golden Rule" be flaunted anymore?
Starting chars, extra freebies a plenty.
It seems like all chars use the rules for Mummy.
Bonus 30 freebies for starting chars?
And you wonder why I laugh and stare…
At a starting level mage with 6 arete.
And what’s this? He’s a garou? Oh what a treat.
An Assamite/Tremere/Gangrel that’s just too scary,
And you say you did it with diablerie.
That’s another bitch I’d like to address,
This diablerie shit is just one big mess.
One of the most heinous crimes a vamp can commit.
"My ST allowed it." What total bullshit.
You’re ST’s on crack, or you’ve got them in bed.
Either that or you put a gun to their head.
Sitting here at my keyboard, I can picture it all,
You with your gun, ST’s w/ 8-balls.
"ST, oh ST. Please let this be.
For I have the gun, and oh can’t you see;
That the game’s no fun unless I can win,
For if it’s not easy, why even begin?"
The ST snorts and their eyes do glaze,
Their ST mind in a zombie haze.
"An awakened Garou? I don’t see why not.
And while you’re at it, no paradox!
A Salubri/Assamite? That I can see.
Why not? Hell, I am the ST.
Dear player, on my drugs I see colors galore,
And with that gun in your hand, I’ll be your whore."
You call us stuck up, for we won’t let you roll in our rooms.
And you bitch and moan when you meet your doom.
What’s the point in playing once you’re that high?
There’s no way you could ever die.
I guess IRL you shoot hoops against first graders.
That’s how I see all you power gamers.
I could say it reflects your inadequacies in life,
An App 8 cause you can’t buy a date for the night.
The black trench and Str 5 has become so cliche,
Among people who’ve never worked out for a day.
This may sound wrong, but as it appears to me,
Many of you would be better off playing FFG.
You snicker, but just think of how grand.
I think I saw Caine walking through that land.
And many of your chars have stats that high,
You enjoy flying in rooms, and have chars that can’t die.
It will work well for you in FFG, Gen Dice and Guilds.
Sounds like fun to me.
So remember when you sit there in your ultra-char class.
You think you’re clever, but you’re just being an ass.
Your ST knows dick, it’s become plain to me.
And you, like your ST, know not a damn thing.